Welcome to the Heinrich Von Bastard store. Please buy something, anything, or everything. You’ve clicked on the page now; it would be awkward and socially uncomfortable to walk out without making a purchase. Show people how awesome you are by parading around in Von Bastard Gear. More products coming soon.
[Click on images to be taken to actual store]
Heinrich Von Bastard - Floating Skull: Dark T-Shirt
$24.99 (+3.00 for 2XL and 3XL)
Be a walking add for this site. It’s either this or be a drone in a plain shirt, or worse advertising a comic that doesn’t have spider tanks, gorilla cyborgs with mini-gun arms, a thirty foot tall pirate, and obscure references to shows and movies you’ve never heard of.
Heinrich Von Bastard - Floating Skull: Womens Dark T-Shirt
As above, but tapered to fit the female form. No girl is truly considered cute until she’s sporting an angry floating skull with green sexy laser shooting eyes and fire breath.
Blutbräu Bier - Helltoberfest Crest: Bier Stein
u Beir, a strong beer forged in the belly of the great soul collecting Leviathan during World War 1. Brewed in Leviatown from the blood of its residents; full bodied, filling, strong, and a little sticky with a coppery aftertaste. While the original batch was only available to those who died at sea during the great war it has since become a firm favourite at Helltoberfest celebrations. Not yet available on Earth due to stringent anti-cannibal and responsible service of alcohol laws, you can still get adequately tanked on your favourite (more than likely inferior) beer through an official Helltoberfest edition Blutbrä
Blutbräu Bier - Helltoberfest Crest: Shot Glass
So you’d rather get tanked on shots of spirits than enjoy a massive gut busting beer after massive gut busting beer. That’s cool; some people just don’t feel right having an inevitable state of drunkenness slowly creep up on them and prefer a debilitating intoxication to occur in the first five minutes of showing to a party or arriving home from work. But with a shot glass branded by a beer label you can disguise your dipsomania by appearing to be an across-the-board alcohol connoisseur.
Blutbräu Bier - Helltoberfest Crest: Bier T-Shirt
$19.99 (+3.00 for 2XL, 3XL, 4XL)
Going to a bierfest of some kind? Why not impress your hazy new friends by showing them you know about beers they’ve never even heard of. A proud Helltoberfest crest on your chest will let people know that your public oikish drunken behaviour is not the result of an unrestrained approach to excess but in fact a dedicated appreciation of the brewed arts through devoted gastronomic observation.
Available in sizes up to 4XL for the real beer experts.
Blutbräu Bier - Helltoberfest Crest: Golf Shirt
$19.99 (+3.00 for 2XL)
As above, but for when collars are required, and for when you intend to drink so much that having artwork over your belly might prove be too much.
Spectrox Toxemia - Helltoberfest party [End of the World] T-Shirt
$24.99 (+3.00 for 2XL, 3XL)
The world has been destroyed, your stuck in a spider tank with your new buddy and you’ve opened a portal to hell to escape a psychotic chaos possessed lizard man from the underworld and his undead minions only to have them follow you through and arrive in Hell just in time for Helltoberfest, what is your next move? Get drunk and start a Death Metal band of course. Spectrox Toxemia the band of Heinrich Von Bastard
(Vox), Kermit the Axilotl
(Drums), Norm Legstrong
(Guitar), Buck Alderon
(The other Guitar), and General Mayhem
(Bass). Be the first to own an official shirt of the band that destroyed your planet.
Spectrox Toxemia - Womens T-Shirt
$24.99 (+3.00 for 2XL)
As above but for death metal girls... the dreamiest of them all.
Spectrox Toxemia - Jr.Spaghetti tank
As above but for those who intend to mosh out hard enough for a T-shirt to be too hot wear whilst doing so.
More to come soon...